


If I Could Turn Back Time

by writeyourownlifestory



Series: Babies, Sex, and Everything In-between [3]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2020-07-09 18:30:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19892374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeyourownlifestory/pseuds/writeyourownlifestory
Summary: What would have happened if Joe didn't run away all those years ago?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So! We've been planning this for an embarrassingly long time. Like, it's almost sad how long we have been sitting on this. 
> 
> We mostly created it for our sake, but we hope you like it too. 
> 
> Highly suggest you read Rockabye first as well as the continuation Slipping Through My Fingers so you don't get confused. 
> 
> Picks up right before Joe runs off.

Ben and Joe kissed. Kissed and kissed until their lips were swollen and their fingers were tired from clinging to the other man. Neither could remember the last time they had done this with someone. The last person Joe had made out with threw upon him and as for Ben, he had yet to get to that point with the girl he had been seeing. Sure, he could consider her his girlfriend, but there was no passion there. No drive. 

Not like here, pushed into an empty hallway corner of this university party, where they were drunk off shitty beer and frankly, one another. Neither knew how long they had been doing this, swallowing one another moans as their tongues twisted again and again. 

Only when they both felt their bodies reacting properly did they make the move to stop. “I’m sorry,” Ben muttered, pushing at Joe’s shoulder to keep him from chasing his lips as he leaned back. “I’m . . . can we stop for a minute?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, yeah that’s fine. You good?” Joe asked his cheeks as red as his hair. 

The blond watched him for a moment, his heart refusing to settle down. He bobbed his head, licking his lips, catching the taste of the other man still lingering there. 

“Oh yeah. I’m . . . I’m great.” He promised. 

Joe bobbed his head, leaning back against the wall and looked down the hall. They had snuck away from the party to be by themselves, though were close enough to still hear the muffled music shuffling around. 

Ben took his phone out, slipping it open so he could see any messages he had gotten. He cursed, swallowing hard when he saw the familiar name popping up. For the short moment, he had forgotten all about the lovely girl he had gotten to know as of lately. It was nothing too serious, as they were still getting to know one another, but she certainly deserved to be spoken to about this. 

“I can . . . I can go if you want.” The redhead phoned, noticing the blond’s sudden shift in attitude. Gone was the lovesick puppy and in his place was a slightly annoying prat. 

“No, no. I’m,” Ben sighed, leaning back against the wall with him. “I’m sort of seeing someone.” He confessed. The redhead coiled back and pain struck Ben’s heart when he realized what the other was thinking. “It’s not . . . it’s not serious! We only met a month ago! But she’s a nice girl and if we were to take this further, I’d feel ghastly about it.” 

“Are you always this British?” The other male asked him. There wasn’t a smile on his lips, but Ben swore he heard it in the teasing of his words. 

Shoving his phone back into his pocket, Ben put on his best ‘come hither’ look, biting his lip as he watched the hazel-eyed man before him swallow hard. “Sex is off the table, but I could always off up a blow job?” He suggested. 

He had never given one before, but Ben found that he wasn’t against the idea of it. In fact, in his slightly hazy mind, he found that giving was more of a turn-on than receiving was. 

The other man opened his mouth, though found that he was a bit at a loss of words. Maybe they were just too drunk or perhaps the idea of getting blown in a bleak hallway was just too much for him to handle. 

“Oy! You almost finished?” Ben turned his head to see Allen popped his head from the hall. “Girls keep coming up to me and making me say things. Can we go already?” 

Ben swore once more, pushing off the wall. “Yeah, yeah. Just hang a bit.” Ben hadn’t forgotten about Allen, not really. He knew he couldn’t bring this guy home with him because Allen was staying over and Ben would never be that forward or rude. “Can I have your number?” He asked, turning his attention back onto the redhead. 

The two fumbled about, exchanging phones so they could contact one another again. Ben handed over his brand new iPhone while Joe slipped his pink RAZR to him. 

“Very cute,” Ben mentioned, adding his name and number into the phone. 

“It was my sisters. She got an upgrade. It works fine.” The redhead muttered. “I only speak to like . . . six people so . . . don’t need a brand new phone or anything of the sort.” 

“I like it.” He answered, slapping the pink cell phone into his hand. “It’s cute. Like you.” 

Leaning forward, Ben kissed him once more. It was a smacking kiss that left both their lips red and wanting. He took once last look at Joe when he pulled away, saving his dreamy eyes and pouting lips in the back of his mind for later use before going off with Allen and leaving the building. 

&

Joe didn’t think that happened. When he woke up in his bed in the apartment he shared with Rami, he fully expected to find out that it had all been some strange dream. He questioned his best friend about it, finding that the other man had no idea that some British blond Adonis had even come to the party, let alone be someone that Joe snuck away with for a short while. 

And then the phone call came. And that voice Joe was certain he had made up in his mind began speaking to him so sweetly. The Brit requested that they meet up and talk in person. Joe, who no longer had any school to worry about and no actual job to get to, agreed almost instantly. 

They met at a new cafe opening uptown. Joe nervously sat alone, waiting for the other to arrive. When he did, he was just as lovely as he had been the night before. Not even the horrible hangover that he was dealing with could take that from him. 

“I can’t believe you’re real,” Joe confessed to him lamely. “I woke up thinking I imagined you. Guess I drank more than I thought I did.” 

“Well, I’m glad to say I am very real and I must admit, I am also very confessed.” Ben laughed softly, rubbing anxiously at the back of his neck. “I’ve never actually done anything with a bloke before. There had been a girl back in London and someone here, but none of it was very serious.” 

“Did you . . . are you still involved with . . . .” Joe shifted awkwardly. 

The memories of the night before came back to him slowly as the day went on and he vividly remembered the blond man shutting him down since he was already attached to someone else. 

Ben shook his head, waving the topic away like it was nothing. “Oh, no. That’s over.” He admitted. “I called her up this morning. She’s out of town, but this couldn’t wait. I’m sure that makes me a royal prick, but I’d rather just have it over with than to cheat on her.”

“So now you’re single. And . . . questioning?” Joe asked. 

Ben leaned back in his seat, shrugging slightly. “Don’t know really. I think I’ve always known that I thought both women and men were attractive. Didn’t have much time for dating when I was young. I was busy with . . . other things . . . but girls found me approachable so I just went with the ones who seemed open to it.”

Joe let out a snort, looking the other man up and down slowly. “You aren’t remotely approachable. I’m fairly certain if I wasn’t drunk last night I would have run away screaming if you had even looked at me.” 

“Oh come on! I refuse to believe that coming up and kissing me was all due to liquid courage.” Ben dismissed. 

“The last guy I was with took my virginity and then pretended not to know me the following day. And the first time I made out with a girl, she threw up on me.” Joe proclaimed almost proudly. Like some fucked up the badge of pathetic honor he wore.

“Well, I happen to have a wonderful memory and no gag reflex, so I think we’re safe,” Ben answered smoothly, winking as he sipped at his coffee. 

Joe shook his head, leaning back in his seat. How the ever-loving fuck was this guy real? Joe didn’t know, but he agreed to a date. The redhead went out with the guy fully believing that he was just some overly attractive college-less frat boy who was testing the waters of being in a homosexual relationship until he found someone else to bid his time. 

After all, what did Joe offer that someone else couldn’t? Ben was wildly attractive, incredibly good at mathematics, super funny and insanely sweet. The guy was working off-broadway and did modeling gigs throughout the city. 

Oh no. They wouldn’t be together long. 

Except one date turned to two. And then three. By the fourth, Ben had achieved his goal of sucking Joe off though thankfully it was behind closed doors and not in a random hallway on campus. 

They had been seeing one another officially for a month when they finally slept together, something that should have caused a bundle of nerves to swell for both of them but instead was blissful and romantic. By their three month anniversary, Joe was hopelessly in love and had already introduced him to his family. 

The Mazzello clan took Ben in easily, with John and Mary adoring the way Ben could make Joe flush and his parents liking how posh and respectful he was. Joe had always been close to his parents, especially his father, so when both agreed that Ben was an amazing guy, he knew things could only get better. 

Of course, there were still obstacles they had to pass over. Honeymoon stage wouldn’t last forever, you know. There was a wall built around Ben that Joe had to break down piece by piece; a young man that had his heart broken time and time again. He had lost someone he cared deeply about and had been looking for someone to finally accept him for who he was. 

A young man with a big heart who just wanted to be loved. Joe gave him all the love, affection and attention he could muster. Joe himself had been burnt by those who took his kindness and used it against him. Kids who bullied him because of his former child-acting and adults who took advantage of his sweet personality and personal wealth. 

Guys and girls alike had chewed him up and spit him out, but not Ben. Ben never grew bored or tired of him. Never turned him away or made an excuse for them not to be together. Ben had a small apartment that felt like a home when they were together and it wasn’t long into their relationship that Ben had begun practically begging Joe to move in with him. 

The latter was reluctant. Not that he ever questioned if they would last, but rather he worried what poor Rami would do if he moved out. He had begun seeing Lucy though they were still taking things slow. If Joe left, then the man would have to get a new place or worse, move in with his brother. 

And nobody wanted to live with a teacher. The schedule was trash and all they talked about were lesson plans and their annoying students. 

Joe had suggested a time or two that Ben move into their place, though he had to admit, it was quite tight for the two of them and then adding a third person would just make it worse. Still, being away from one another for an extended amount of time was rather torturous, so both knew something would have to give soon enough. 

They were seven months in when Ben’s 21st birthday came around. The new year had just passed and while they had gone out and celebrated together out in the cold like every other typical romantic, both men were ready to party hard. Ben had invited his friend to visit and after a bit of convincing Allen finally arrived. 

They threw him a bash on the rooftop of some friend of Rami’s. It was loud and fun, with both men drinking (legally finally) and dancing like there was no tomorrow. Joe had gifted Ben with a collection of his favorite author and painting lessons in the village. He had confessed to Joe that he found it relaxing and the redhead knew it would be something fun for him to do. 

He also gifted him with condomless sex. 

It had been something they spoke about briefly, with Ben bringing it up after one of his latest jobs requested he get a physical and blood test just to be safe. They had been exclusive for months and were both careful but there was just something different about sex without a condom. Neither had experienced it before but wasn’t there always a first time for everything?

They left the party, feeling only slightly tipsy. Rami went home with Lucy and Allen took over Ben’s place, allowing Joe to bring the birthday boy home with him. They went twice during the night, once with Joe’s face pushed into the pillows and then with the redhead on top. They went at it again in the early morning when they were both sleepy and sporting their usual morning wood. 

They were comfortable and relaxed and completely in love. Joe had never been this happy before and while it partly terrified him he knew the best was yet to come. 

They celebrated their first Valentine's Day together with Joe sick out of his mind. He blamed it on the flu or something close to it. Winter was still lingering and the weather wasn’t the best. New York was cold and gross and snowy. Joe felt like trash and just wanted to lie down and die. He was extra angry as well, as he had never celebrated Valentine’s Day with someone. His parents had always given him stuff growing up and last year he and Rami went out on a pity-induced bro-date but that wasn’t this. Joe had a boyfriend who he loved and he wanted to show that off to everybody. Instead, he was caught up in bed, wrapped in a blanket because he was tired and cold and kept throwing up. 

Ben was there for him because he was perfect and neither man seemed to worry too much. They stayed cuddled and while they didn’t have sex they still chalked it up as a good day despite the setbacks. Ben kept promising that they’d go out again and celebrate properly. Joe didn’t know how he got so lucky.

Another week went by and Joe was still puking his brains out. Eventually, it got to be too much and Ben dragged him down to the doctors. They sat together as Joe got his blood drawn and explained to the doctor what he had been feeling. 

They were a little less than helpful and instead instructed Joe to go to some other doctor. The redhead didn’t know what the hell that was about, especially since this guy seemed to be a hospital hired specialist. He began fearing the worst, wondering if he had been hit with a type of cancer and nobody had the balls to tell him.

When his record was sent over and he sat in front of the doctor, he waited for the truth to come out. Ben was with him as he promised he would be. The blond had sensed Joe’s worry and refused to allow Joe to go through something like this on his own.

They sat holding hands, letting the young doctor explain the situation to them. 

“Well, you see, the thing is. You’re pregnant.” Dr. Lee told them carefully.

At first, they thought it was a joke. A prank. Perhaps they were bringing back Punk’d or Scare Tactics and Rami decided to get Joe involved. 

Except it wasn’t. Dr. Lee carefully went over the explanation, handing over a folder that had printed out sheets of paper going into further detail. Male carriers weren’t completely hidden from the world. Ben knew of one and Joe had seen another on Oprah not that long ago. Neither had any idea that they possessed the gene and were left feeling baffled and worried. 

This wasn’t something that was going to go away on its own. Dr. Lee explained that while this was a strange matter in itself, it had to be handled properly. He told them to think about it for a few days and then contact him on what they wanted to do. 

Joe was terrified, honestly. Here he was, fresh out of college with his first long term relationship and he suddenly finds out he’s pregnant? Suddenly finds out he can _get_ pregnant. He had called his parents about it, speaking with both his mother and father who admitted they never thought to have him tested as it wasn’t as big of a deal until recently. 

Joe spent a long, hard time trying to figure out what he wanted to do. He had no real job aside from writing and directing the indie films he and Rami made and who knew how those would do in the long run. 23 with a boyfriend who was 21, making it on a work visa he had to renew soon enough. They weren’t equipped for this.

Joe wanted to know what Ben wanted but he already knew that answer. Ben had no family, not really. He had told him about how wonderful Allen and his mother had been for him but that wasn’t enough. He lost his baby sister when they were so young and his parents didn’t give a single fuck about him. Ben had been so welcomed into his own family that it was easy to see that was something the Brit craved. A family to love and accept him.

And here they were. Two medical miracles creating one, practically out of thin air.

Ben refuses to choose sides, however. Whatever Joe wanted to do, he would stand by him. If they wanted to raise it then he’d work his ass off so they could support the kid. If he wanted to terminate the pregnancy, then he would hold Joe’s hand while they did it. 

The ball was thrown completely into Joe’s court and frankly, he was pissed. He knew he was an adult and that the choice was his but a bit of guidance would have been nice! He spoke alone to his father, hoping that the older man would be able to offer a big of wisdom in his words. 

Instead, he was as helpful as Ben had been and told Joe to follow his heart. Christ, how fucking cheesy could you get? It was almost ridiculous. 

Joe spent a week moping and worrying and crying before finding Ben while out on a jog. He knew his boyfriends routine well enough, as he had gone to join him a time or two. He found him at the park, sweaty with tangled headphones as he listened to his music. 

He stopped on a dime when he caught sight of the man and they just stood there, looking at one another. Ben waited patiently for Joe to speak and when he did it was quick and simple. 

“None of this is gonna be easy.”

Ben snorted, leaning back on the bench they were occupying. “Nothing is easy, Joseph. Not the good stuff anyway.”

“There’s no going back. Once the kid is here, that’s it. We’re parents.” They hadn’t even been together for a year and yet they were parents by their second anniversary; if they even lasted that long. Babies had been made to save marriages but everybody knows that’s a fucking sham. They were still going strong but who is to say that it would even work out once a kid got involved.

Maybe they’d find little things that bothered them and it would escalate into bigger things. Maybe they would fight all the time and they’d come crashing down with their child having the suffer the hardest blow of a broken home. 

Or maybe, just maybe, things would be okay. 

Joe always knew he’d want to be a father and maybe he was a little insane for thinking about it. After all, it was a medical marvel. Who wouldn’t want to be able to hold the title of that? Bringing a miracle into this world. Joe knew he needed better reasons than that and the only ones he could come up with were rather simple. He loved Ben and he loved the life they were working on together. He loved the idea of starting a family with Ben, even if it was sooner than expected. 

“I am in if you’re in,” Ben told him. 

Simple as that. 

They were in and before they knew it, they were going to doctors visits almost weekly. Dr. Lee was ecstatic as they were his first official male pregnancy. They went along with everything piece by piece, taking in all they could. The technology was good but there were still some setbacks. They wouldn’t be able to find out the sex of the child due to thicker skin and heavier embryo sacks. Ben didn’t care much as he was just happy to be involved.

Both men were out of their minds to take a chance in this but he couldn’t be happier. 

Well, he could have but given the circumstances, he knew better than to question such a good thing. He wanted to make everybody happy and for a while he had. Joe was adjusting to his pregnancy accordingly and while he bitched about throwing up and the changes his body was going through he was still so happy to be having this type of experience. Ben helped out the best he could, getting an actual job on top of the modeling gigs. He was going to provide for his family the way he said he would all those years ago and that meant making sure he and Joe had what they needed.

The first time he did was propose to Joe. How could he not? He loved him and wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. He knew Joe wanted to get married, but also knew that proposing while pregnant did seem a bit like a cop-out. Which it wasn’t! Not in the least. 

Joe might have been a hopeless romantic, but Ben was a hopeful one. 

He had convinced Joe that they head to his childhood home for the weekend. His parents, though surprised that their son had been labeled a male carrier were welcoming to the idea of having a grandchild. 

Joe and his mom were sitting around with his sister, chatting about the baby names and room designs. At this point, they still lived separately, but Ben knew they would move into either his place or Joe’s before the baby came. They were leaning more towards the former as they didn’t want poor Rami to deal with a newborn.

Ben snuck out the back to find Joe’s father, who was busy manning the grill. The Mazzello household took cooking very seriously and while Ben had grown used to eating whatever he could find and then working it off, later on, it was quite refreshing to have some decent food in his life. Even if Joe barred him from ever actually cooking for their child. 

“I was hoping we could chat.” He mentioned after Mr. Mazzello greeted him. 

He knew Joe’s family was old fashioned. Open to new things, but still lived for tradition. Ben went into a bit of a ramble, trying so apologize for putting a child inside his son while also expressing his happiness for doing it in the first place. 

Mr. Mazzello was gracious and allowed him to go on and on until finally he came out and requested permission to marry his son. He was silent after that, bobbing his head as he thought it all over. 

“All right.” He answered simply, turning back to the grill. “John thought you might be trying to get a green card. Bit of a stretch, don’t you think?” 

“I have a work visa,” Ben answered him shyly. 

Mr. Mazzello shrugged, flipping over the meat as he looked back to Ben. He was smirking in a way that Ben had seen in Joe time and time again. “For now.” He added. 

Ben didn’t know what to make of that. If Mr. Mazzello was making a dark joke or statement that went over his head. Either way, Ben took his acceptance and made plans. He had been thinking about it for a few days. How he was going to spring it into him. Ben didn’t want it to be overly romantic or played out. Nothing in a restaurant where he was down on one knee or the ring was in the cake. Joe didn’t even know if he should get a ring because he knew Joe’s fingers would swell but maybe not so much. After all pregnant men were different from pregnant women. 

They went on an impromptu date one night after Joe got out of a shoot with Rami. It was their first anniversary but neither knew what they wanted to do. They couldn’t go drinking or partying or do anything wild. Ben would have taken him out on the ferry or rented a private boat so they could sit out on the water, but he worried the rocking of the sea would make Joe ill. 

So they went to the park and looked over water during sunset. They are take-out Chinese and talked about everything going on. Joe was making little comments about the baby here and saying, saying what it liked for him to eat or if it was moving at all. It was still too early and Joe had just begun to show though not by much. Joe had been a bit pouty about the whole idea of showing but he hides it well. Ben insisted that he was gorgeous and that he’d always find him gorgeous especially since he was carrying his child. Joe was easy to woo after all this time. 

Hearing Joe talk about their child made Ben’s heart swell to the point where he just couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Marry me,” he requested, in between Joe talking to him about the ideas he had for the nursery and taking bites of his noodles. 

Joe was caught off guard, chopsticks stuck in his mouth as he stared down the blond. “I’m serious.” Ben continued. “We’ve been together for a year but it feels like a lifetime. Just a short time we’re going to be parents. I see no reason for us not to get married.” 

“You mean aside from it being stereotypical and cliche?” Joe asked after swallowing. 

“Complain all you want but we both know you love the idea of being cliche. You adore the thought of us, being together, with our child, with all legal purposes.” 

“We can’t even get married.” Joe grumbled. 

It was true. Same-sex marriage wasn’t exactly legal at the moments but civil unions were a thing. And that was fine. Ben would take anything he could get if it meant being with Joe and having some form of legality to it. 

“Civil unions exist. And when the world finally stops with their bullshit we’ll get married for real.”

“Such a romantic.” 

Reaching forward, Ben took the Chinese container from Joe’s hands, setting it aside on the ground. He took off the ring he wore on his right hand, the ring he had specifically chosen for Joe. He found it in an antique shop while the two were shopping with Rami and Lucy, looking for props for their latest film. It wasn’t anything flashy or overly eye-catching but it was beautiful all the same. 

He purchased it without anyone noticing and wore it around for a few weeks until he finally decided to pop the question. He held the ring out now, keeping his eyes on Joe’s as he spoke to him. “I love you. And I am always going to love you. With or without this child but I think we can agree that adding a baby to the mix is going to make things a lot more interesting.” 

“Yeah, you can say that again.” 

“Marry me, Joe. Let’s have an adventure.” 

Ben didn’t know what he would say. He could have very easily rolled his eyes and told him to focus on the baby alone or just say no altogether. Instead, he got a heavy sigh and a short bob of his head. “Okay.” He answered, simple at that. 

Ben kissed him there in the bench, their food momentarily forgotten as they celebrated their anniversary the best way possible.

Ben’s parents promised to plan and pay for everything, already knowing that the civil union would be as impressive as any wedding. This made Ben feel good, knowing that Joe could have everything he wanted but at the same time he felt terrible. 

Aside from himself, he had nothing to offer Joe. No money or family or anything of the sort. Not anymore. Long ago Ben had been a rich kid with inheritance and neglectful parents. When he left England he didn’t bring anything other than a few pictures and some of his belongings. He didn’t even tell his parents goodbye; not like they would have cared if he had.

They buried their little girl in the ground without shedding a single tear, Ben wasn’t stupid enough to believe they would care about him. 

Still. He knew what was rightfully his own. After all the money that was left to him was left by his grandparents and not his parents. Ben thought long and hard about all the things he had and what he didn’t have. About what he could give Joe now and what he could give him and their child if given the chance. 

As the following month came around, Ben made his decision. He knew his parents schedule well enough, remembering all the times his parents would come and go and where they would end up. He had left a message for his mother, knowing she would be in New York for three days during this month. 

He left it short and sweet, insisting that they meet at a specific time and location. He didn’t even know if she would show but in she cane. Dressed smartly with her blond hair down and her feminine suit pressed. His mother was a beautiful woman and he got his looks from her. She took her business seriously and cared about nothing else but the bottom line. 

Ben greeted her formally, making a bit of small talk. Asking how London was and how his father was doing. He tried to make peace for the sake of this being his mother, the woman who brought him into this world, but it didn’t seem to matter.

She pushed her sunglasses into her blonde hair, the green eyes they both shared shining darkly. “Neither of us came here to catch up Benjamin so I suggest you get to the real reason you wanted to see me.” 

Ben bobbed his head, swallowing hard as he began.“I want access to the money that grandfather left for me.” He told her. He debated on whether or not he wanted to tell his mother about the baby it even about Joe. He didn’t know what she’d think about it all or if it would hurt his reservations. 

“Same old Benjamin. Never want to work for anything.” His mother sighed heavily. “Your father and I put so much effort into teaching you about ethics and the ways of taking care of yourself.” 

“I learned very quickly how to take care of myself, mum. The lack of nannies was proof enough of that.” Ben answered her. 

“You weren’t impaired, Benjamin. You could stay home alone perfectly fine.”

“Home alone with a toddler,” Ben answered. “I raised Claire on my own, so please do not act as though you had a hand in making me who I am.” 

“And look how that turned out.” His mother replied shortly. 

Ben wanted to be angry. He wanted to shout at his mother and say that none of what happened was his fault. It had been Joe that taught him that losing Claire wasn't something hat Ben could have prevented. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair, but that was okay. It would never be okay but that was okay. 

But as much as he wanted to scream at his mother Ben just didn’t have it in him. Not anymore. He could hate this woman for so many things but he just didn’t want to hate anymore.

“You know I never did tell you how sorry I am for losing Claire,” Ben told her, his voice tight. 

He had never been very good at this, expressing his feelings. Ben was the type to swallow everything down because he didn’t want to be a bother. Now he was here, with his mother. The woman who brought him into this world and ultimately shaped him into the man he was today.

But he didn’t want to be that person anymore. He wanted to be bigger and better. For his own sake.

“I thought I could do everything and that included taking care of her. And I failed. And I am sorry, mum. But you know what I’m not worried about? When Claire died, she knew. She knew that I tried my best and that was good enough. When Claire died, she was loved. And one day I’ll die. Maybe sometime soon or in years from now, but when that day comes I know I was loved too. By somebody who doesn’t want me to be this cold-hearted, calculated person you hoped I would be. The person you and dad molded me out to be. Do you think you can say the same for yourself?” 

Pushing off the table, Ben left his mother and all the pain she carried behind him. He went off to Joe’s apartment, deciding to spend the night with the man that he loved so dearly. He didn’t have to pretend to be okay because he was. Ben couldn’t remember the last time he was this okay. He let those people go and only had his real family to focus on now. 

Joe’s family focused on planning the civil union ceremony. It wasn’t going to be some large event but family and friends were all coming. Ben finally met Joe’s old buddy Sebastian and Allen made his way back to America. 

Allen didn’t come empty-handed it seemed and when they were alone, he handed Ben the envelope that he brought with him from London. “She didn’t say much. She never does. I don’t think she ever really liked me. To be honest I am surprised she even knew my name let alone where I lived.” 

“She’s a hateful bitch and you shouldn’t take anything she says or does to the heart.”

Ben ripped the envelope open, pouring out the papers. There was no handwritten letter or anything from herself. It was all legal papers. Papers that she and her father, as well as his grandparents, had signed. 

His inheritance. But not just his own, Claire’s as well. All of it was in his name own, in a trust fund put together for him since he was a lad.

Allen raised a brow, looking over it all. “How much is that in American?” He asked.

Ben, ever the mathematician, didn’t need to think for long to calculate the answer. 

“Millions.” He muttered, moving to sit back against the arm of the couch.

A knock on the door took both men out of their shock and a finely dressed Gwilym popped his head in. “Sorry to bother you. Joe’s sister told me to say it’s time.” 

“Right. Thanks.” Clearing his throat, Ben put the envelope inside one of the desks draws. He would need to go over it with his lawyer but that was for another time. “Yes, um. Allen this is Joe’s doctor Gwilym Lee. Gwilym, this is Allen Leech, my best mate.” 

The two men shook hands, greeting one another properly before heading out. The ceremony was small and lovely. It wasn’t considered marriage but Joe would be his husband in every sense that existed to him. Promising to be there for one another and take care of one another each step of their way for their lives together.

They partied for as long as they wanted, making their way out to the hotel that Ben had booked for them. They wouldn’t be having a real honeymoon due to Joe being pregnant and feeling more sick than anything, so they agreed to vacation by the shore for a few days. Just the two of them on the Long Island Sound, sleeping in and eating delicious food and having an endless amount of sex when the time called for it. 

Neither men could have asked for more. 

That was until their little girl arrived. It happened during a lazy afternoon. Joe had been feeling a bit of pain, far more than anyone expected and upon calling Gwilym, the man explained that the baby was trying to make her wonderful escape. 

One trip to the hospital and two hours later after a very careful c-section, their precious little angel made her debut. It wasn’t as drastic or dramatic as they thought it would be. When Joe woke, the small infant that was bundled up in pink was placed carefully into his arms and the two parents were left alone to enjoy the moment together. 

The two men had been going over baby names for the past few weeks, though they made it very clear that they wanted the name they chose to be something wonderful, something with meaning behind it. 

Clara Josephine came into this world, not planned but welcomed wholeheartedly. It wasn’t an easy adjustment period. How could it be? They were still young and incredibly shell shocked at the idea of having a living, breathing baby to take care of, but both men stepped up to the task. 

There were sleepless nights and times when they thought the world around them was going to crash down. Joe had called his mom crying on more than one occasion, fearing he was going to fuck it all up, but the two stuck together and made it work. 

Clara was the best thing that ever happened to them and neither found a single ounce of regret when they looked in their daughter’s eyes. 

It was a few months in when Joe got the phone call. He was feeding Clara in her high chair, speaking sweetly to her when his phone rang. Ben answered, raising a brow curiously before handing it off, explaining that it was his agent. 

Joe hadn’t acted in years, giving that up to study the art of film making instead. Joe switched places with Ben so he could take the call, coming back a few minutes later. “I got offered an audition.” He explained quietly. 

It was for a mini-series on Amazon. Some wartime series that Steven Spielberg was producing and he wanted Joe to be apart of it. “Well, he did write my college recommendation letter,” Joe confessed.

Ben shrugged, seeing nothing against it. “No harm in auditioning,” Ben told him, wiping Clara’s face when they were done feeding her. 

Joe did go for an audition, and then another when a call back came in. And then one more for the screen test. Joe had almost forgotten how annoying these things had been but he studied the art of film making long enough to understand how they had to go. How things had to be run. 

After trips to California and Skype calls and phone calls, they finally made their decision. Joe got the part, much to his surprise. He didn’t expect to get it, didn’t have the confidence in himself to pull out all the emotions that it would take to play such a complex character but the showrunners believed in him. And that was enough to get Joe to believe in himself. 

He wasn’t keen on being away from home. Sure he trusted Ben with Clara but he would miss them both so much. He was with them every single day; they were his home but now he was so far from it. Shooting on location wasn’t instead but he couldn’t help but find all the places to be so beautiful. 

He got along well with his case members and took advantage of the gorgeous spots, even if they were supposed to be shooting a dramatic wartime series. He was pleasantly surprised with how easy it was to slip into his character, though he did have a bit of support along the way. 

“Man I can’t believe we’re doing this together!” Rami mentioned on their first day of shooting. 

The man had forgotten to mention to Joe that he also was cast in the mini-series, something Joe had been proud to talk about during their last brunch gets away. Joe was happy to have his best friend with him along the way, especially since their characters had such a good friendship. 

Joe made friends with the rest of the cast, just like he did on all the other films he had done over the years. He tried his best to research as much as he could on his character, especially since he was a real person. Joe hasn’t played a real person since he was a child but even then, the part left a strong mark on the man. 

He called Ben whenever he could, using up all his minutes and stealing Rami’s phone when he just couldn’t get service. Weeks away was absolute torture so when filming was finished and the man could return home he didn’t wait another second. He went back to his boring life in the city. Where his husband and daughter were waiting for him. 

He knew not many were settled down at twenty-five. Nowadays that either sounded like torture to some but heaven to others depending on who he spoke to but Joe couldn’t care either way. He was so happy like this. In his element with a handsome man by his side and an adorable baby, they created snuggled up to him. 

Joe had feared to miss all her first but it seemed Clara was eager to have her daddy around and waited for the right time before doing the crazy stuff. 

Joe had always loved being around kids, older kids to be specific. How could not? They were so active, so fun. Joe himself was like a little kid at times, so he always knew he’d be a decent dad to his kids, but a baby was so different. 

The world was so new to them. Everything was new! Watching Clara experience things for the first time was so worthwhile, even if it was just the little girls. Tasting her first lemon, going to the beach, watching her crawl, and walk, and babble, and walk. The first year with her was more than either man could ever imagine. Joe didn’t know how many tears of happiness he shed, but he didn’t care. This wasn’t the life he expected to have, but he was grateful for it regardless. 

The premier came and went and while he loved partying it up with the cast and crew and being pushed in the limelight, he was even happier to go home and settle on the couch with his husband as they wanted the episodes together. 

He didn’t know what Ben would think about it. After all, it wasn’t like the other roles he had done. Characters that were sweet and innocent from when he was just a child. Eugene Sledge went through a whirlwind of emotions. Joe had gone through a lot to get into the mindset of that man and he was thankful for the chance to portray a true American hero. 

But he went down a dark road and said and did things that nobody in their right mind would do. Joe was partly worried about what his husband would think of him throughout the series. 

“I know it isn’t exactly the most fun,” Joe admitted. “I mean, I had fun! But they went through a lot. I tried to make it as realistic as possible,” 

“And you were it’s just...” Ben shifted on the couch, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve never seen you like that before. Growling.” He admitted carefully.

“Growling.” Joe mimicked. 

“It’s stupid. I’m not proud of it, but you know, you looked good.” Ben shrugged gently. 

“I mean, I tried. I knew I had to be shirtless for most of it, but they didn’t want any of us to work out. No like, six-packs or anything.” 

Joe had gotten used to going to the gym with Ben before the pregnancy and while he was a bit unsure of being shirtless on screen again, the showrunners insisted that the c-section scar fit into the character well enough. 

“You looked great. Fantastic.” Ben mentioned, a tight smile on his face. 

“Everything okay?” 

Ben bobbed his head, looking as cool and collected as ever. “Just . . . proud of my husband is all. The show is great. You did well.” 

“Benny,” Joe blushed, gasping as Ben kissed him hard on the mouth. They stayed still together, with Ben nuzzling his nose against Joe’s cheek. 

“Clara should be asleep for the rest of the night,” Ben mentioned to him quietly. 

Joe bobbed his head quietly. “Right,” he replied, taking the hint. 

Joe moved forward, swiftly climbing onto Ben as the blond began to pull him forward. They didn’t even make it to the bedroom, though neither seemed to care about that. It was a little rushed, with wondering hands and the use of baby lotion in exchange of lube wasn’t exactly ideal, but neither was going to complain about it. They hadn’t done it on the couch since before Clara had been born and only after they were finished; both men wrapped up together. 

Maybe it was a bit rushed, but it was needed, that much was for sure. “Haven’t done that in a while,” Ben admitted with a breathless laugh. “Oh, I’m going to be feeling that tomorrow.” 

“I can’t believe watching me in that freaking show turned you on so much,” Joe admitted, pulling away so he was sitting on the opposite side of the couch. 

“I’m not proud of it, but I have no regrets,” Ben admitted, smiling boyishly. “I mean it though. You were wonderful. I know you prefer behind the scenes, but you’re a fantastic actor, Joe.” 

“You’re sweet, but I don’t think I’ll be doing much after this. Don’t exactly have ‘leading man’ looks, you know. You do though,” 

Ben snorted, rolling his eyes as he adjusted his sitting, letting out a small hiss as his bare ass hit the back of the couch. “It’s not hard to be pretty, Joseph but being a leading man . . . I don’t know. Used to act when I was young, but nobody took it seriously.” 

“Then make them take you seriously,” Joe told him like it was as simple as that. Reaching forward, Joe took Ben’s hand in his own. “Hey. Anything is possible, right? We’re young, we’re parents. I got pregnant! If that isn’t proof that anything is possible, then I don’t know what is.” 

Ben hummed softly, his thumb running gently along Joe’s knuckles. They stayed on the couch, both shifting so they were cuddling up against one another after putting a few pieces of clothing back on. Clara did asleep through the night, though that didn’t stop the two from going to check on her. 

She slept in her room now, giving the men more privacy though they’d be lying if they said they didn’t miss having her around in the bassinet. They watched her sleep, curled up against her stuffed dinosaur. 

After that, they made their way back to their bedroom, curling up together comfortably on their bed as they finished their night together and fell asleep. 

That night came and went from their minds, a beautiful memory of them being together. They went back to his lives; Joe staying home to write as Ben went off to his shoots. They found their rhythm all over again and it was good. It was great. It wasn’t a life they had expected but they were both so happy to have it. 

Until Ben got sick that was. He had been in location when his stomach began churning and he spent a majority of his time throwing up in whatever bathroom was closest to him. He didn’t think much of it. Figuring it was a stomach bug he got during traveling. He didn’t mention it to Joe because he didn’t feel the need to. The man had enough on his plate and didn’t have to worry about his ill husband across the country. 

When Ben returned he was still feeling off. He was feeling like trash, to be frank. His pecs were more sensitive and on top of the continuous vomiting, the number of headaches he had begun to experience was frightening to him. He thought back to all the things his kid sister had dealt with and worried that the sickness had finally reached him as well. 

While Claire was just a child when she passed, Ben still had his whole life ahead of him. He was married and had an infant to look after. The thought of losing it all scared him to the point where he finally broke down to Joe one night. 

They were cleaning up the kitchen after supper, Clara was fast asleep on the couch. Joe was in the middle of a story that Lucy had told him when Ben turned and threw up in the sick. Joe was by his side in a second, a soothing hand running up and down his back slowly. Ben didn’t realize he broke until it was too late. He was crying in his husband's arms expressing all the pent up emotions he had been keeping down inside him for the past two weeks. Joe held onto him, letting Ben let it all out. He needed this, needed the release. They discussed it all and agreed to seek out help the following day. 

They had Joe’s parents come in to take Clara. She shouldn’t be at a hospital like this. Not when they were so desperate for answers. They called in a favor and had Gwilym focus on them. They felt more comfortable with a friend than a stranger. They had Ben’s blood drawn and waited for it to be tested. Sitting along with Joe in the office was torture. They were holding hands, just trying to stay positive. 

When Gwilym came back in, he leaned back on the counter, sighing softly. “I have all the test. They’re all negative except for one.” Gwilym informed them carefully. “You’re pregnant Ben.”

It was certainly not what they expected to hear. Not in the least. “That’s...well it’s not impossible,” Joe muttered quietly. 

“Have you two been trying for another?” 

“Of course not. Clara’s only a year.” Ben replied to him. 

“Well. Now you know.” Gwilym answered. “I’ll give you both a moment alone.” 

Ben groaned, rubbing his face with his hands. He wasn’t sick. He wasn’t dying. No cancer in his body. This was a good thing. He tried to tell himself that again and again. 

“We never . . . I bottom more. And I have the shot. Fuck, we knew this was possible, why weren’t we more careful?!” Joe snapped, pacing the room.

“We didn’t think about it,” Ben answered quietly. 

“We can . . .We’ll talk to Gwilym. We’ll take care of this.” Joe swore, his hands falling to his hips.

Ben’s eyes were on Joe’s in seconds, those green eyes that the redhead and fall in love with were now open and wild. “Take care of this?” He mimicked. “You mean get rid of it?”

“Is that not an option?” Joe offered, suddenly sobering. They had discussed the possibility of abortion back when he had first gotten pregnant when they were so unsure of what they wanted to do. Joe had always believed in it being the choice of the pregnant person and he stood by the belief now. 

Ben shifted in his seat, fingers gripping as he began to fidget. “Didn’t realize it ever was one.” He admitted. 

“This is . . . Ben, you saw what I went through. Is that something you want?”

“You say that like it was terrible overall,” ben stated. “It wasn’t the worst. Even now knowing why I am sick, the actual problems I am facing don’t seem that bad.”

“Clara isn’t even two yet,” Joe reminded him. 

“I’m not saying the timing is perfect but it’s still our kid. We have a new place. We’re both working.” 

“You’re a model Ben. Who the hell is going to hire a pregnant model? A pregnant male model?”

“I’ll handle that,” Ben told him. “I don’t want . . .We’re good parents, Joe. Do we always know what we are doing? Of course not but who cares? Nobody does.”

There was a knock on the door then; Gwilym popped his head in. “Everything all right in here?” 

“We’re fine, Gwil. Shocked but fine.” 

“I know this is a surprise. I mean it really shouldn’t be. You’re both male carriers. One of the few in the state of New York. You had a child, I honestly expected better.” 

“We made a mistake, okay?” Joe snapped, groaning as Ben pushed off the table. 

“I’m going to go. Had enough for today. Gwilym, I’ll be in touch for my follow up.” Ben left the room then, walking out the door with a disgruntled Joe behind him. 

The trip home was a disaster, with Ben refusing to say a word to Joe the whole time. The man had tried to explain himself but the blond refused to listen. Refused to hear him out. When they got home, they were glad to see his parents and daughter were still out, allowing them a bit more privacy. 

“You know I didn’t mean it like that!” 

“Certainly sounded like it, Joseph,” Ben mentioned sharply. 

“We forgot, okay? We got caught up in the moment. Forgetting the condos was the mistake, not the baby.”

“So what? We made a mistake. We fucked up. We fucked up before and you know what happened? We got Clara because of it. That amazingly perfect little girl that neither of us could ever imagine living without. How is this one any different?”

Joe didn’t have to think about it because there was no difference. They were young then and they’re young now, but at least this time around they had their heads on their shoulders. They had a year of parenthood under their belts and weren’t exactly the starving artist they had been when they first got together. 

“I don’t want to fight, Ben,” Joe told him softly. “I love you and the life we built with our daughter. And I’m sorry if I am coming off like I don’t want this kid because I do. I want everything with you. I just wish we did better. That we could be prepared for this sort of shit.” 

“Maybe one day we’ll have a child that’s planned but for now I’m not going to sit around and wallow in self-pity over something we should be celebrating.”

The door swung open and a loud gasp could be heard. Clara came running in, her shoulders echoing against the dark wood floor. “Ba!” She called out, making a beeline for Ben. 

The blond turned his attention onto the girl, smiling brightly as he knelt and scooped her up into his arms. To him, it was like nothing had even occurred. Joe, on the other hand, was being silent and adjacent. It wasn’t until his father said something that he broke, asking the elder man to go out on the balcony with him.

“This about Ben’s appointment?” His father asked. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, dad he’s . . . He’s fine.” Joe confessed. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “He’s not fine actually. Gwilym drew blood and everything. And well . . . Ben’s pregnant dad.” 

Joe’s father didn’t show any expression. Not joy at the idea of having another grandchild, nor did he mirror his sons worried expression. “I take it this wasn’t planned?” Joe shook his head, hanging it low.

“We should have known better. We’re one in a billion, how dumb could we have been? We’re not stupid kids anymore,”

“But you are a kid, Joe. Might be in your twenties but you’re a kid. You might have a kid but you’re still a kid. Both you and Ben.” 

“I know. None of this was planned but how am I supposed to regret any of it? Regret my daughter and my marriage?”

“You can make mistakes without regretting them, Joe.” 

The younger man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he looked over the balcony at the city streets below. He didn’t want to be at odds with his husband, with his civil union partner. They were a team and while none of this was planned, Joe knew he couldn’t stop himself from being so happy and in love with Ben and the life they had built together. 

His father came closer, his hand settling at his shoulder. “It’s gonna be all right, bud.” He mentioned softly. 

Joe bobbed his head, accepting the words. It wasn’t ideal but it was their life. It would be hard and they’d have a lot to work on but they’d make it happen. They’d make it worthwhile.

The two men went back into the penthouse, keeping the conversation to themselves as they put their attention back onto Clara and her toddler excitement. When his parents left, Clara had fallen asleep, curled up on the couch with her favorite blanket wrapped around her.

Joe had always wanted to be a father. Always wanted to be the great man that his father was. He didn’t know if he’d ever measure up to that level of perfection but he was certainly trying. This little girl was the best thing that ever happened to him. 

He found Ben doing the dishwasher, automatically going over to do the lower level. “You should get used to not bending over. Trust me, it gets harder over time.” 

“I think I can handle it,” Ben mentioned, putting the cups away. 

Joe paused, reaching out to place his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t handle this well enough and I’m sorry I suggested terminating it.”

“I don’t need you to be sorry, Joe. I need you to support me.” Ben answered.

“And I do! Whatever you want, Ben, I will stand by you for it.”

“We can’t do this if we’re on different sides.” 

“I’m trying not to be. I just . . . I don’t know, okay? I love you and I love our life. And I love this kid too. I just don’t....” Joe shook his head, unsure of what to say. He didn’t know why he was so anxious over this. Why he was so nervous. 

It was a disaster and he felt terrible for how this was playing out. They should be celebrating this, not arguing over it. 

“I love this child. I do. And I know this is going to be great. I just...I don’t know.” 

“Maybe we don’t have to know,” Ben suggested. “Maybe we can just stop overthinking this.”

“Right.” Joe bobbed his head. “We’re going to be parents again. Clara is going to be a big sister.” 

“Well have to figure out a way to tell her,” Ben said, a small smile coming over his face. “We have to figure out how to tell everyone.” 

“Gotta make it cute. Maybe put a shirt on her or something.” 

Ben took Joe’s hand, their fingers lacing. “Still gonna marry me one day?”

Joe snorted, squeezing his hand in response. “What kind of question is that?” 

“Just checking.” 

“Of course I wanna marry you. You’re the father of my child. Well, children.” 

“We can do this.” Ben insisted. 

“I know,” Joe replied, his thumb running over Ben’s knuckle. “God. Clara’s gonna have a share a room with an infant. I don’t know how long the HBO money will last.” 

Ben shifted in his seat, squeezing Joe’s hand in his own. “I might have an idea.” He admitted. 

Ben had failed to mention earlier on that his mother had given him all the money that his grandparents left him and Claire. He had put it in the bank for their daughter, set up a bit of a trust fund for when she got older and wanted to go to school or explore the world. 

Joe wasn’t upset with him, surprisingly, though he was incredibly surprised that Ben was able to keep such a secret. “You mean to tell me that we’ve had access to millions and you still make me go to the laundry mat every week?” He asked him with a raised brow. 

They had agreed to use a small portion of that money to buy themselves a proper home. No longer would they be stuck inside the one point five-bedroom apartment that was too small to fully function inside of. Now they were able to move about freely and give Clara a room big enough for her to play in while also having a second for their impending child. 

They could do this. They had done it once and they would do it again, taking it month by month, trimester by trimester. Ben handled it well enough. The morning sickness (that was more any time of the day sickness) was manageable. He didn’t complain but Joe knew he never would. Ben was so grateful for the chances they had been given he wouldn’t say a bad word even if he wanted to. 

They put their focus on other things, like Clara and their careers. The acting wasn't what Joe thought he’d do with his life after he turned fifteen but he knew he was good at it. And since his writing was still growing, he took the chance to have smaller parts in indie films in hopes of getting his name out there. 

He and Rami were still working in their stuff but it didn’t hurt to build his portfolio. Ben had teased him about it, especially for the one that had him making out with some former Disney channel star. Money was money however and while constantly going to LA wasn’t ideal they made it work. 

Ben handled his career to the best of his ability. He had spoken to his agent, explaining the situation and they worked together to get him jobs that allowed him to his shirt on. They didn’t come in great amount, however. Ben has mentioned once, not too long ago, that he had been offered a part in some British soap opera but the character was nothing more than an over-sexualized teen who constantly showed off his body and that wasn’t what Ben wanted. 

Sure he was a model but he had more to offer than that. Or at least that was what Ben told himself to sleep at night. In reality, Joe knew his husband swelled over the fact that it seemed like unless he was able to look good nobody would want him. Joe disagreed, because how could he not? He loved Ben for his personality not just his looks. Did he look good? Of course but he was so much more than rock-hard abs and a great ass. 

It had been about six months in when reality finally hit them. He had been given works that allowed him to wear baggier clothing and keep his pregnancy on the down-low. He even did a Nike shoot for their workout clothes that went pretty damn well. 

He had been going for different shoots when he came home early one day, surprising Joe and Clara who had just finished up having lunch. Joe, who had originally been excited to see his partner come home so soon, automatically noticed the sullen look on his face. 

“Had a meeting with Calvin Klein today.” Ben had mentioned quietly. “They offered me a contract but I had to turn it down.” 

Joe didn’t know what to say. He knew how hard Ben had worked for that, to be apart of a name brand company. It was all he wanted and now the chance came and went so quickly. 

“My agent thought it is best if I take an extended leave until the baby is born and my body is back to how it was before.” 

“That could take months.” Joe pointed out. His own body wasn’t terrible before pregnancy but even he hadn’t gotten back to the skin frame he was once. No abs, but no real pudge. Neither seemed to care. Joe was comfortable with his body as it was, scars and all. 

“He dropped me, Joe,” Ben told him urgently. “I’m here on a work visa. I could be deported.”

That hadn’t been something Joe thought of. Not once since they got together did he think about Ben being sent back as an option for them. 

“They can’t . . . Ben was married. We have a child. They can’t just send you back to England.” 

“But we’re not married. Not really. And I don’t think civil unions have the same amount of power that legitimate marriages do.” 

Ben sat back on the couch, hiding his face in his hands. Joe knew Ben likes to be strong. That he needed to be strong, not only for his family but for his own sake. Joe could see him beginning to crumble, those walls he built up shattering around him. 

“What are we going to do?” He asked weakly. “I can’t go back there, Joe. That place has caused me nothing but pain and heartache. I won’t survive it if I have to go back.”

“Hey hey. Nobody is going anywhere.” Joe came to Ben’s side, placing his hand on the man’s shoulder. “We’ll think of something okay? When is your visa up?” 

Ben had to think about it. He tracked the numbers in his head and gave Joe the answer. 

“That’s a month after the baby is born. Maybe there is a loophole or something for pregnancy?” 

“I’ll look into it but unless I get another job soon — an actual career based job — I’m fucked.” 

“The only time you’re ever going to be fucked is when we’re in bed, okay? We’ll figure this out. I’ll hire you myself if I have to.” 

Ben snorted, leaning back into the couch. “Oh yes. That will be grand.” He replied lamely. “You direct. I’ll act. Everyone will love it.” 

“It’s quite romantic,” Joe admitted, smiling as Clara waddled over to them, noticing her parents feeling a bit down and offering her toy in exchange for their smiling. “Thank you, angel.” 

“If only they gave our visas to stay at home parents,” Ben mentioned quietly, pulling Clara up onto his lap where she automatically being patting at his stomach. 

“We’ll figure this out. We always do.” Joe promised, watching the two loves of his life. 

Joe did what he promised and looked into it. These things were tricky and it wasn’t like they could just cheat the system. Joe didn’t know how long they could late before someone checks in on them. Sure they were pretty damn privileged and both knew there was a high chance nobody would check in right away but they couldn’t be sure. They couldn’t risk it, so Joe did what he could to find a way to keep Ben in the states. 

“Our only options are for you to be hired by Rami and me or you go back to school,” Joe told him one night. “It’s not ideal but if you apply for a student visa you’ll have four more years. By then you could apply for legitimate citizenship.”

“What would I even go to school?” Ben questioned, his hand rubbing gentle as his widened belly. 

“You’re fantastic at math. You could do that. Or fashion!”

“I was a model, not a designer.” 

“You could do an advertisement.” Joe offered. “I already spoke to my parents. We’ll pay for everything.” 

“What? No, Joe. I won’t. I don’t want your parents paying for that. I don’t want any handouts.”

“You’re their son in law, Ben. It’s not a handout.” Joe presses. “We’ll check it out okay? You can do online classes and stay with Clara and the new baby. Rami got an offer for a new series and he wants me to be involved. I’ll be working full time. Everything will be taken care of.” 

“You thought of everything, haven’t you?” 

“I’m the man of the house. It’s my job.” 

“There are two men in this house.” Ben reminded him, pushing up from the kitchen chair. “I’ll check out some schools. Has to be somewhere that would want me.”

“I want you, though I don’t think that will help the situation.” Joe teased, gutting his chin out towards him. 

Ben obliged, dipping down to press a kiss to his husband's lips. It was small and sweet, enough for them both. Ben decided to do a bit of work, searching for local schools or any school that offered online classes that he’d be able to take while also staying at home with the children. 

His visa had been approved so long as he was accepted and with Joe’s persistence, he applied to several around him, including NYU. It was the latter that accepted him with open arms, though Ben wondered if that had to do with the influence of his in-laws who just so happened to make a bit of a donation after his application went in. 

Joe forced him not to question it, instead of putting all his worries into the upcoming birth of their child. Ben had been there for Joe when Clara was born and the redhead was doing the same for him. The final weeks were hectic, with both men trying to get everything settled so the only thing they had to worry about was having a newborn around. 

Gwilym was eager for the birth, as it would officially be his fifth in the two years he has been doing this. He went all over the country to help other male carriers though both Ben and Joe fully believed they were his favorites. Not only because they were having their second child, but they had fully persuaded Allen to throw caution to the wind and move to the states permanently so he could be around his friends and boyfriend. 

Neither men cared to find out what they were having, deciding to keep it a bit of a surprise this time around. They had so much going on in their lives during the short months of Ben’s pregnancy that they needed something to look forward to. Their son was born on in the early morning, looking pink and fair and incredibly beautiful. They had gone over a few names, but it was quite obvious what they wanted if they were to have a boy. 

“Ready to meet number four?” Joe asked his father when he entered the hospital room. 

It brought a swell of pride to Joe, being able to carry on the tradition and introduce his father to the fourth member of the family to hold their shared name. 

Clara, of course, was esthetic to have a brother. She had a daddy and a papa who were both boys and now she had a brother who was a boy, allowing her to continue to be the only girl in the household. She was too young to fully feel prideful about that, but that didn’t matter much. She happily embraced her new sibling, kissing his head and promising to share all her toys once they got home. 

Coming home with a new baby was certainly exciting, especially after their oldest fell asleep watching her brother. Ben couldn’t help but think of all the times he used to sleep on his sister's floor beside her crib. He was far older than her, twelve when she was welcomed into the world, but he loved her right from the start. He would sleep on the floor to keep her company. It made his heart swell to see his two-year-old in the same position. 

Joe tucked Clara back into her big girl bed, flopping beside Ben on the couch as he placed the baby monitor on the coffee table. “Hey.” He spoke softly. “We’re parents.” 

Ben hummed, shifting on the couch so he was partially laying against Joe’s chest, deciding a bit of a cuddle was exactly what they needed at this moment. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeey guys. See! I told you I would publish this at some point. 
> 
> Enjoy, please?

Being the father of two children before the age of twenty-five hadn’t exactly been Ben’s plan in life. Truth be told, he didn’t have much of a plan. He left England wanting to have a fresh start and well, Joe had been the breath of fresh air he had been longing for. 

He knew it was silly, to get caught up nearly as soon as he stepped off the plane. He enjoyed the wildlife that America brought to him, but he quickly found that the life that he and Joe had built together was rather far better than anything he could have made up on their own. 

Clara and JJ had been wonderful, especially since Ben wasn’t too sure if he had ever really wanted children. Of course, he knew he did, deep down inside, but he had been so burnt by his parents and the death of Claire that for a small portion of his life, Ben began to doubt if he’d ever been able to love someone like that. 

Love them without the fear of losing them. Truth was, he wasn’t. That fear never went away. It lingered dangerously in the back of his mind and he found himself watching his children play, wondering if one day, one of them would suddenly start to get sick, just like his sister did. 

Joe had done everything he could to take care of these thoughts, God bless him. He listened to Ben when they needed to talk and even on nights when they hadn’t been the most conversational, they found themselves still able to see eye to eye. 

Ben wasn’t sure where he would have been without Joe. Perhaps still modeling, still seen as some form of eye candy. It was nice while it lasted, but Ben knew he could offer so much more of that and took it into account when he went back to school. He was proud of his degree, something he never expected to have after arriving in America and walking away from his family's money. 

Of course, they had that money now, though most of it had been broken down into trust funds for their children. He wanted them to know that when the time came and they wanted to go after their dreams, the money aspect to it wouldn’t be a problem. It was one large privilege he was proud to offer his children. 

He missed the perks of the modeling, as one usually does. Not so much the wild parties and enormous chances to get drunk or high off his ass, but rather the connections that came with it. Marketing hadn’t been his main goal in life, but he found he was rather good at it. 

Neither Ben nor Joe had been very happy with how the way most male-carries had been treated, especially when it came to dealing with his visa, and he decided to try and make something out of that. He worked alongside Gwilym, wanting to make the world a more accessible place for male-carries, knowing that there are a lot more out there than just himself and Joe. 

The organization was small but started well enough. They had a support group, where carriers could go onto to find information. There had been talk of the possibility of a drug that would potentially be birth control for men, as well as a possible ‘tube tying’ if you will, for men that had no interest in being carriers. 

Some men wanted to physically carry for other male carriers without actually wanting to keep the child, being surrogates so to speak. There was also the push to have more male babies test for this at birth so that no more unexpected pregnancies happened. There was no denying that their children made their lives worth living, but not every guy is going to have the same chances and privileges that they did. 

There was so much untapped potential and Ben wanted to take advantage of that and help people like himself, like Joe, who went into this blind. 

There was also talk of a possible clothing line, though Ben was still working out the kinks of that one. For the most part, life had been going smooth sailing, all until one fateful day. 

Ben would never forget the date. 

June 26th, 2015.

The day gay marriage had become legal all over. 

Neither knew what to make of it. Both had been busy with their work. Joe was busy writing, staying at home with the kids while Ben was in his office on a call. The carrier brand was still up and coming and he was doing everything he could to promote it well enough. He wanted to show people that he was serious about that. That being a male-carrier wasn’t anything to be ashamed of.

He had been in the middle of the conference when he had been contacted by Lucy of all people.

“I’m sort of in the middle of something. Are the kids all right?” He asked curiously. 

“You’re at work? Why would you be working today of all days?” She demanded, huffing a sigh right after. “Have you been watching the news?” 

“I’ve been getting alerts but I’m a little busy,” Ben explained. “What is it?”

“Same-sex marriage, Ben. They legalized it everywhere.” Lucy told him sharply. “Hasn’t Joe callee you? Rami had been running wild since they made the announcement, how are you not over the moon?” 

He had heard rumors that they were going to take it to court, but he didn’t allow himself to get his hopes up. Of course, the male-carriers brand had participated in Pride and was very open about the fact that not every male-carrier was straight. It was a brand that supported all LGBT communities, though on this specific day his mind had been elsewhere. 

And then, out of the blue, it was over. 

Gay marriage was legal all across America. Ben hadn’t thought it would have happened so quickly. He finished the conference, deciding he needed to get home as soon as possible. 

Joe was there, computer forgot as he sat in front of the tv watching the news. He had the kids with him, both wearing party hats and noisemakers so they could celebrate the moment Ben walked through the door. 

“Did you hear?” Joe asked as Ben walked through the doorway. 

Joe hadn’t called Ben, hadn’t texted him. He knew Ben was busy and even if this moment was huge for them, he didn’t want to cause any distractions. 

“Lucy called me. She thought I was with you. Can you believe it?” 

“Oh, you better believe it, buddy,” Joe said, smiling like an absolute fool before pulling Ben into him. 

Ben didn’t remember kissing Joe so deeply. They had their union, but this? This was marriage? This was the same shit that his parents had and wasted. And there was no fucking way they’d do the same thing. 

They got married as soon as they could, having the ceremony right there in New York. It was beautiful and far better than anything they could have put together without the help of their family and friends. Being able to say they were real husbands in the eyes of the law and no longer having to worry about work visas and green cards was a blessing for them all. 

They had an actual honeymoon this time around, leaving the children with Joe’s parents and hurrying off to the villa that Joe’s family-owned. It was a romantic getaway for them; one that only lasted a week but was more than either of them could ask for. 

Especially since they came back with more than just fine wine and expensive cheeses. 

They should have known it would happen. They had been extremely careful since their last pregnancy. They had too much going on and wanted to focus on their careers without the issue of an extended family every time they got it on. 

Joe had been feeling fine like he was on the top of the world until the repeated vomiting and sensitivity around his nipples started to come around. It didn’t take a genius for them to know what was going on and after a conversation with Gwilym, the truth was known. 

Ben had to admit, being the CEO of a small-time corporation that promoted positivity and awareness towards male-carriers became a lot more interesting once they had a male-carrier that they could use to promote themselves. Joe wasn’t very keen on being the face of the company, but eventually, he grew to love it. 

He and Ben owned their birthing abilities and wanted to show the world that they weren’t any more different than the next guy other than being able to perform literal miracles. 

When the day came along for them to finally meet their new bundle, it turned into somewhat of a surprise. Rather than one little angel, they were gifted with two. 

Two amazing redheads, one with the ability to play hide and seek without fail. 

With the addition of Daisy and Taylor, their little family of four became a family of six rather quickly. Something neither Ben or Joe knew what to do with. Luckily, both of their older children were rather excited to have young siblings and the age gap between them gave them a bit of leeway. Both Clara and JJ were a bit more mature and didn’t need to be watched over as intensely as the newborns did. 

Clara had shown more than enough signs of maturity when it came to helping with the new babies, always lending a hand when it came to feeding them and changing them. JJ was an expert in playing with them, even going so far as to giving his little brother his stuffed dinosaur toys. 

It was a little hard to wrestle with, being parents to kids and then newborns, balancing work and play. Joe had been working on and off with acting and writing. Even though other offers came along, Rami never left his side and the two had a fantastic partnership. Joe had even dabbled in some directing after a while, as he found he had the knack for it. 

Ben had been very serious about not wanting to have his children be raised by nannies the same way he and his sister were. Joe was completely understanding and they worked around it the best they could, making an effort to be around their kids and not just push them onto the back burner. 

And then, three years later, tragedy struck the Mazzello family. 

Joe’s father, who had been battling cancer, succumbed to the disease. 

It was hard on everyone, especially Joe and JJ who had been the closest to the man. Ben has a terrible relationship with his parents and both Virginia and Joseph had welcomed him in with open arms, even if his coming together with Joe hadn’t been very conventional. 

Ben helped his husband any way he could. He was the shoulder he cried on, the pillow he punched as he begged God to know why the fuck he would take someone as good as him. 

Ben allowed Joe to bury all his sorrows inside of him, in any means necessary. 

After a bit of time, they found themselves beginning to cope and go back to normal, though Ben found himself feeling a tad bit under the weather. Just like all the other times, it didn’t take a genius to know what they had done. 

Making a child out of sadness wasn’t what either of them expected, and having five children all under the age of ten seemed a bit more than they could handle, but they were happy. 

Joe was pleased to see that one good thing could come out of something so terrible. 

Ben’s final pregnancy had been perfectly fine. The morning sickness was a bit annoying but manageable. He rather enjoyed being the literal face of the company, using the pregnancy to promote safe sex and remind all parents to have their children tested for the gene. 

When the baby came, they were greeted by a fair-haired boy that Joe had named after him. 

“It’s only fair,” Joe had mentioned in the hospital. He had their son wrapped in a blue blanket, with a blue little beanie on his head. He was holding Joe’s hand, wiggling it gently. “We already have one named after me. If he’s gonna be our last, it’s only fair we name him after you.” 

Ben wanted to argue but he understood Joe’s point. They compromised since Ben had never been a fan of his naming and gave the fair baby a nickname of his own just as they had done for JJ.

This had been their final baby. Gwilym had begun to do studies that found the high-risk pregnancy for a male-carrier started in the mid-to-late thirties. Both Ben and Joe had some time left, but they quickly discovered that five kids were more than enough for them. 

They had their little army, with Clara, JJ, Daisy, Taylor, and Benji. And soon after, they were joined by Gwilym and Allen, who in turn had their own adopted children, as well as Lucy and Rami who had their bundle to show off. 

It wasn’t long before the whole group had children of their own, who in turn formed their groups. It was rather exciting, the children of their best friends becoming best friends. Ben had always hoped he had kids that Allen would be by his side and it seemed he got his wish. 

As they got older all their children went on to do their things, live their own lives. Certainly wasn’t anything Ben and Joe suspected from their lives, but so long as they were happy, who were they to tell their kids how to live?

Clara followed in her father’s former footsteps, picking up modeling. She had been spotted by the photographer that had done work for the male-carrier clothing line that both Ben and Joe had been promoting. The line was more than just the big and tall selection most stores offered. Like women, men that could carry did carry differently and they should have had clothing that accommodated that. She was barely a preteen when someone approached her to be a model. Ben wasn’t keen on the idea since he knew how cutthroat the career was, but Joe had promised that they wouldn’t allow her to fall down that staircase. 

JJ’s career path followed his grandfathers, choosing to dance over everything else. When Joe’s father passed, they had watched countless old home videos of his father performing on and off stage. He had taken JJ to the studio more than enough times for him to pick up a few moves, and it was obvious that he had the skill. 

While the twins were incredibly close, it was obvious that they couldn’t have been more different when it came to their careers. Taylor lived for the limelight, choosing to follow Joe’s childhood work path and become an actor. Joe insisted that he also focus on school, always wanting him to have something to fall back on, though it was clear he was born for stardom. 

Daisy didn’t so much enjoy the attention she received, especially when Joe’s writing and directing career picked up. She much preferred to stay in her garden and that is where she would remain, picking up botany as quickly as she possibly could. 

And Benji, well he was also made for the stage. When he was born, they already had so much going on that Ben and Joe had allowed Clara to step in and babysit him whenever she was able to. She entertained him with all sorts of music and kept his attention with the likes of Alicia Keys, Queen, and of course, Elton John. 

Picking up the piano wasn’t anything surprising for them and they found just like JJ, he had a certain talent that couldn’t be ignored. Neither Ben nor Joe ever thought they would have children be so interested in such a wild array of things, but they were more than happy to be involved.

Eventually, they had moved from New York to California, as it was just a better place to be based on their eventual career paths. It was hard at first, especially with five kids to worry about, but with Rami and Lucy already being there with their triplets and Gwilym and Allen taking their kids and eventually making the trip, they soon were able to make a big old house feel like a real home. 

Later on in life, Ben and Joe did take in another child. A premie who had been a part of a swaddling group that Ben and Allen had joined. They went and cuddled with newborns that were at the hospital for x amount of reasons. It was a little, sweet thing to do while volunteering. 

Ben took one look at that little redhead and knew she was meant to be a Mazzello. Virginia, also known as Ginny, was the final piece to the Mazzello puzzle. One that had been worked long and hard on. One that started one faithful night when Ben and Joe happened to be in the right place at the right time, both deciding to make one amazingly dumb decision. 

And neither of them regretted a thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We thank you all for being apart of this wild ride. I think I can officially say this is the last Hardzello thing I will publish. I am very happy with how this story as turned out and I am very glad you all got some enjoyment out of this. 
> 
> Please stay safe and sane during this quarantine. Have a lovely day.

**Author's Note:**

> The second chapter will be updated at some time. We want to focus on all the children and they will be published in STMF first and then the AU will be released.


End file.
